When you’re dating online, your first contact with someone is through writing. A lot of online daters are intimidated by this fact. Newbies especially are used to falling back on body language in face-to-face encounters. And in person, you’re also able to adjust your approach according to the response you get from your target. Online, all you’ve got is your words.
Don’t let this overwhelm you, though. While strong writing skills certainly don’t hurt, most prospective matches care more about what you’re actually saying. Your main goal for your introductory message is to catch their attention . . . and here are a few ideas for making that happen.
Quote an opinion or philosophy of theirs that you agree with.
Did he say something about his lifestyle that appealed to you? Maybe you love that he believes in living for the moment or that she has no tolerance for work that doesn’t challenge her. Quote the phrase that stood out to you and explain why you agree. This little maneuver is flattering (who doesn’t love to be quoted?), establishes a connection between you, and it shows that you took the time to read her profile.
Ask a question about something that matters to them.
So he’s a film buff, huh? Ask him about his Oscar predictions. Careers and hobbies offer great icebreakers, because everyone loves the opportunity to play expert in their chosen field. If you happen to share a particular interest with him, start there. When he sees that you’re not only curious to know his opinion, but you also have an opinion of your own, he’ll be more interested to see where this conversation might go.
Compliment something most people don’t notice.
I’m speaking especially to the fellas on this one: if you’re going to throw out a compliment, make it unique. Yes, women love being told they’re beautiful. But it’s also the oldest play in the book, and it certainly doesn’t guarantee a response. Instead, compliment her ultra feminine eyebrows, or—better yet—tell her you noticed from her photos that her friends seem to be happy being around her, and you’re guessing she must be great company. These little detailed compliments help you get noticed in a sea of “Hey there, Gorgeous” emails, and they tell your prospect that you’re the type of dude who notices the little things. Big points for you.
However you decide to start that first message, showing your match that you are interested in them specifically should be your primary goal. Don’t launch into your sales pitch or throw out a generic “Hi, thought you looked interesting.” Find one very specific way to connect with that person, and you’re halfway there.
What do you think? What types of messages tend to grab your attention?
