Ah, the new relationship. The good ol’ days of giddiness and sweet nothings have passed, and now your once-enthusiastic man seems to have grown a little too comfortable with you. Not that you expect him to be in wooing mode at every moment. It’s just that a little affirmation every now and then might be nice . . . a word or gesture on his part that tells you he’s still crazy about you, and he’s still in it to win it.
Believe it or not, he tells you this all the time; he just tells you in his own language of masculine practicality. Next time you’re feeling neglected and unl-oved, try to recall the last time he made one of these gestures. You may discover that his sweet nothings have never really stopped.
He uses the word “we.”
Obviously, he has to use “we” when discussing your upcoming date, but keep an ear out for the moments when he could just as easily have said “I.” When a friend invites him to a party, is he likely to respond that “we’ll have to check our schedules?” While the absence of “we” doesn’t suggest a problem, a frequent use of the word does suggest that he sees the two of you as a team . . . and he likes it that way. Take this as evidence that he delights in being entwined with you.
He gets uncomfortable.
Everybody makes sacrifices in their relationships. You do plenty for him that you’d really rather not do. But (generally speaking) men hold off a long time on inconvenience for the sake of romance. If he’s enduring long dinners with your hyper-critical mother or staying in the room with you for the entire duration of Dancing With the Stars, chances are he’s good and smitten.
He “takes care of you.”
You can get your own oil changed. You can argue with your own cable company, and you can figure out your own taxes. If your man steps in to take on these chores for you, he’s hoping to make himself useful to you. In many men’s minds, “useful” is one of the best things they can be. We women tend to find romance in the grand and unnecessary gestures, but your guy probably wonders why you’d want him to fuss over flowers when he can offer you something much greater . . . a patch in that leaky faucet. The next time he does one of your peskier chores, take a moment to feel a little giddy. This man is offering his time and energy in the hope that your life will be a smoother ride because he’s around. In other words, he’s just trying to be good for you. Squeee!
He’s on your side. Always.
Sometimes you’re right, sometimes you’re wrong. But a man in love will have your back no matter what. He’ll probably call you out when he thinks you’re out of line, but he probably won’t do it in public. And when all is said and done, he’ll protect your right to feel the way you do and bend over backwards to justify your actions. That’s not to say a good man is a doormat; it’s to say that the man who stands by you—right or wrong—is the man who loves you. After the smoke clears, thank him well.
He plays with you.
Sometimes we get so preoccupied with the lack of candlelit romance in our relationships that we forget to honor the kind of romance he’s best at: fun. Your boy has poker buddies aplenty, so don’t make light of his affection when he chooses to spend his evenings laughing with you. A night of beer and Seth Rogan might not seem like the epitome of romance, but when he’s just chosen you as his preferred Friday night company, he feels like Cyrano de Bergerac. And he’s not terribly wrong. After all, laughter bonds us better than nearly anything else.
He knows what’s up in your world.
If your guy knows the names of all your friends and which one is going through a bad break-up, you can bet he’s still into you . . . and doing his best to prove it through his awesome listening skills. And if your man is keeping after you to follow those dreams you’ve shyly mentioned in passing, you know you’ve got someone who’s into you so much that he’s eager to see you find the fulfillment you deserve.
He wants you to like what he likes.
This is wobbly ground. Nothing is more irritating than a significant other who drags you into all of his interests and avoids participating in yours. That said, for better or for worse, when your boyfriend eagerly dumps the X-Box controller in your lap, you know he’s looking for more ways to get you deeper into his world. He wants to share everything he has with you. And don’t tell me that doesn’t warm your heart at least a little . . . even if it’s high time he agreed to check out that Moroccan restaurant you’ve been wanting to try.
Of course, none of this should discount your idea of romance. It’s still fair to ask your fella for the type of attention that delights you, and chances are he’ll do his best to follow through. Just don’t forget that romance is not about what he does, as much as it is about why or how he does it. Behind these common gestures are his silent words of affection and the proof that yes, he still thinks the sun rises and sets on you.
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