You knew this day would come. Just as you’re beginning to relax into this relationship, enjoying the simplicity of your routine, she looks up at you with those searching eyes and asks, “Why can’t you be more romantic?” Suddenly, all you can see in her eyes is an impatient spectator, waiting to hear the most moving sonnet ever composed, inspired on the spot by the majesty of her beauty.
Chill. You know there are plenty of dudes in chick flicks showing you up with their grand gestures, planting all sorts of dreamy expectations in your girlfriend’s head. What you might not know is that your girlfriend isn’t asking you to wow her with your creative genius (or with your pocketbook.) A woman looking for romance is simply a woman looking for appreciation. Take the pressure off of the stuttering poet within and focus instead on giving your lady evidence of one of these all-important truths:
You know you’re lucky to have her.
Of course you’re crazy about her; look at her! She’s smart, she’s funny, she’s unreasonably hot . . . it’s so obvious! Here’s a secret, though: it’s not obvious to her. And if the compliments and sweet nothings of your wooing days have faded into oblivion as you’ve grown more comfortable releasing bodily gases in her presence, she could probably use a little evidence that you still know how special she is. You might want to drop her a line to let her know that you do. You don’t have to be Shakespeare; a quick email in the middle of her workday will rock her world. No poetry required; even a simple, frank, “I can’t believe I get to be with you” will mean everything to her. Or plan an evening out that will give her an excuse to dress up so she can see your jaw drop the way it did in the old days. And make sure you spend the evening pointing out all the jealous schmucks you catch checking her out.
You know her (and dig who she is.)
Believe it or not, knowing her well counts for a lot. If you can remember your girlfriend’s favorite anything, bank on that. Bring her her favorite flowers, and she’ll swoon. Buy her a special edition copy of her favorite book, and you will be rewarded handsomely. Think of things she told you about her childhood—favorite places or activities—and inspire her inner child with a surprise trip down memory lane. There’s no need for a grand or expensive gesture here; it will mean a lot to her just to know that you’re paying attention to who she is, and that you love who she is enough to celebrate it with her.
You think of her during your off-hours.
If you’ve been with your girlfriend for a while, she probably assumes you forget about her as soon as she leaves your sight. She knows you’ve got a lot going on with work and family and friends, and she’s also aware that she’s kinda old news. That’s why a gesture that requires your attention during the “off-hours” goes a long way. It can be something as simple as calling her in the middle of your workday with a little “I was just thinking of you and wanted to see how your day was going.” Or you might decide to do it up big and surprise her with an elaborate night out that you planned on your own time. Whether the gesture is big or small, she’ll be psyched to know that she can still snag your attention even when she’s not in the room.
You see what she does for you and for the world.
Every relationship is made up of a million little gestures of love. You check the air pressure in her tires; she fusses over the nutrition labels on your frozen burritos. You leave work early to pick her from her doctor’s appointment; she spends a weekend dog-sitting your pup while you’re in Vegas with the boys. For a lot of guys, practical love seems to come most easily. Good news! You can make a practical gesture a romantic one by explaining why she deserves the goodwill. Steal her car to have it washed and vacuumed, and leave a note in the cup holder thanking her for all she does to help you keep your life in order. Or sneak into her apartment on Friday to do some of her weekend cleaning. When she gets home, let her know she deserves to relax as much as possible after such a long, hard week. After a move like that, you’ll probably find that she’s able to make the switch from work to (ahem!) play in no time at all.
You love being around her.
Really? She needs proof of this? You’re with her . . . isn’t that proof enough? ‘Fraid not, Fellas. Plenty of folks stay in ho-hum relationships just because they’re comfortable . . . and if you’ve been with her for any length of time, chances are you’re starting to look a little too comfortable in her eyes. It’s not that you should be as nervous as you may have been back when you were fighting to win her heart. It’s just that she wouldn’t mind seeing some of that old enthusiasm. Here’s a simple way to pull this off: interrupt your routine. Take some tips from the lover boy you used to be, the one who didn’t let pesky things like schedules and the real world stand in the way of being with her. Take her out on a weeknight. Forgo Saturday morning errands so you can spend a lazy day in bed with her. Text her at 4pm to tell her you can’t wait to get out of the office so you can see her. Let her know that being a permanent fixture in your life has not made her any less remarkable.
This is really what it comes down to after all; she just wants to know that you value her. The next time she asks for a little romance, give yourself a break and remember that what you do is far less important that how or why you do it. No matter what the movies tell you, women aren’t on the prowl for sonnet-writing, rose-sprinkling Romeos. We just want someone who’s willing to take a little time for sincere affection.
