It was kinda fun at first, right? The limitless possibility of that first date, the potential for giddy romance, the glimmer of hope that you might soon meet the most amazing person you will ever know. But now . . .
Now you’ve had enough awkward dates to fill an entire season of Sex and the City. You are now able to recognize every red flag, and you find yourself changing the subject every time a friend gets that match-making gleam in her eye. You’d still love to meet someone special, but how can you possibly bring yourself to attempt one more miserable date?
Please understand, it’s not you. It’s everybody. Dating is hard work. It can be fun, yes, but it can also be draining, monotonous, and discouraging. So when you start to feel all your romantic impulses burning out, try this:
Take a Break
Really. It’s okay. You can step away for a minute. If you don’t feel like browsing Plentyoffish, don’t do it. If you’re not in the mood for a blind date, ask your friend to hold off on that set-up. Give yourself some time to catch your breath, and don’t get back in the game until you start to miss it a little. The return of your enthusiasm will not only enable you to have more fun; it will also help you show off the bright side of yourself . . . the side that is currently buried under an avalanche of cynicism and exhaustion.
Live Your Life
I’m talking to you, Relationship-Seekers. Sometimes the drive to find love overshadows all other ambitions. If you’re feeling bitter after a string of discouraging dates, consider where your frustration is coming from. Are you resentful that you still have not found love? One great way to combat the feeling of romantic failure is to treat your life as what it is—a multi-faceted fun-fest. You have amazing friends, career ambitions, hobbies . . . don’t let these things take a back seat to potential love. By taking time to focus on the rest of your life, you relieve yourself of the pressure to find true love . . . and you offer yourself the freedom of allowing it to happen when it happens.
Let It Be Hilarious
My brother once told me, “Never quit dating . . . if only for my own amusement.” Having recently been through a string of horrible dates, I found this request oddly comforting. At least my failed dates made for good comedy, so they weren’t completely worthless experiences. You can’t get away from romantic disaster. It’s part of the process. But when you relay the story of your latest rendezvous to your friend the next day, you have the choice between angst and comedy. Angst will only add to the tension, but laughter is refreshing; you might even catch your second wind.
Try a New Approach
Are you meeting most of your dates online? Try striking up a conversation with a stranger in the bookstore. Do you tend to depend on your friends to set you up? Create an online profile and see what happens if you do your own matchmaking. A new approach doesn’t guarantee a new result, but it will add some much needed intrigue just by taking you out of your routine.
No one ever said dating was easy . . . or if they did, they shouldn’t have. There will be lows, just as there will be highs. The important thing is that you’re keeping an eye on yourself. Even if you’re on a mission, check in with yourself every now and then to make sure you’re having fun. And remember that this takes time. You will find someone amazing soon enough.
