If only the end of a really good date could mean the end of all anxiety! Once you’ve met someone worthwhile, there’s a new challenge before; the challenge of making it all happen again. From gauging her interest to reserving your place in her date book, here are some guidelines for a smooth transition from First Date to Second Date.
At the end of the first date, tell her you’d like to see her again. But bear in mind, this is not the formal invitation to date number two. All you’re doing right now is stating your interest and opening the floor for her thoughts. Don’t stare her down until she answers or demand to know where she stands. Just keep your tone warm and sincere, and smile casually as she takes in your words. If she smiles and says, “That’d be nice,” you’re golden. If she half-smiles, stiffens a little, and recommends that you keep in touch, you’re less golden. (That doesn’t mean don’t go for it, it just means keep your expectations low.)
Don’t try to make specific plans there and then. This is likely to overwhelm her. Let her go home and digest the first date so she knows where she stands when you officially ask for the second. Asking her to commit to next Saturday on the spot forces her to decide how much she likes you right away. It also puts you at risk of serious discomfort if you have to stand there and watch her try to come up with an excuse
Call a couple days later. If you’re really in to her, don’t try to play it super cool with a week of silence. Just drop her a line a couple days after the date. When you get a hold of her:
Take time for conversation. Don’t launch headlong into the ask-out. Give yourselves a couple minutes to relive the connection you had on your previous date. Ask her how she’s been. If she mentioned something that was going on in her life—a big meeting or a girls’ night out—ask her about that. Once you feel you’ve reestablished the connection (and don’t take forever; a good ten minutes should do it), ask her out again.
Suggest a specific plan. If she agrees to see you again on Friday night, don’t ask her what she wants to do. When you do that, you put pressure on her to figure out how to entertain you. Before you call, think about the interests she mentioned on her last date and come up with a specific date idea that she would be likely to enjoy. If she’s into music, take her to see a local band play at a dive bar. If you know she love the outdoors, suggest a great trail you heard about. It’s also a good idea to have the details nailed down beforehand. That way you can avoid floundering around with schedules and simply seal the date with a nice, smooth, “Great, should I pick you up at 7?’
If she says yes, tell her you look forward to seeing her and close it up. If she presses on in the conversation and you feel like talking, it’s fine to follow her lead. But if she doesn’t, offer one final pleasantry (“Hey, good luck with the marathon; I can’t wait to hear how it went on Saturday.”) Then close it up and leave her in sweet anticipation of your next conversation.
If she says no, take it gracefully. She may turn you down because she is legitimately busy that night. You’ll know this is the case because she’ll suggest another time. If she just leaves you with a “No, I have plans,” or she straight-up tells you she doesn’t think this relationship has a future, go ahead and express your disappointment like a dude (“Oh, that kinda sucks.”), wish her well, and hang up the phone.
Hang in there. After a few dates, this will all get much easier. Once you’ve got her hooked, you’ll only have to ask if she’s busy . . . not if she’s interested. And in the meantime, enjoy the thrill of the hunt.
