Get The Girl 101- Nice Guys & Bad Boys

Welcome to “Get The Girl 101″, a series of articles designed to teach you the basics of attraction. Have you ever wondered what women look for in men? Why they choose the guys they do? Want a glimpse of not just how but why certain things drive women wild? Then this series of articles is for you.

To start things off I’m going to talk about the whole nice guy/bad boy paradigm. Now I think everyone knows that women just seem to love bad boys… but why? Why does it seem that the bad boys are getting all the girls. when the nice guys are stuck on the sidelines thinking “I would treat her some much better… I don’t get it”. Well to answer this question we are going to look at the number 1 most attractive trait and some of the ways that trait is conveyed. What is that trait? Confidence.

Go For It!

You aren’t going to get things that you don’t go for. This fact has always been true. Years ago when we would have had to hunt and fight with animals to provide food and safety for our families, the difference between a man who acts swiftly and one who does not could be life or death. In modern society this is unlikely to be the case, however those who take action are still much more likely to achieve, thus providing greater resources for your prospective mate and offspring.

From a less biological and more practical stand point, you must be willing to go for it to give yourself a chance with her. You need to walk up to her and speak to her, or you need to send her that first e-mail, these actions have an inherent risk. This is where the bad boys shine, bad boys are risk takers. Always being willing to take risks may not be the safest or “best bet” in all aspects of your life, but when it comes to attracting women, showing the ability to take risks is very attractive.

Be Aggressive.

Just going for it is not enough, the people who are highly successful  in life and in love go for it with vigor.  If the first conveyance shows courage, then this one shows certainty. To not only take a risk but to do so vigorously shows that you have great confidence in yourself. It shows that you believe you have something worthy to offer. It reinforces what you are showing by going for it. To go back to the biology angle, if hundreds of years ago a man was out hunting to bring home dinner for his family, it is not enough to just go and try, he must go with conviction and be willing to overcome a few obstacles on his quest.

In contemporary society, this can be seen when you first walk up and talk to a woman. Odds are that when you first approach her she will not be very engaging, or even very interested… why should she be yet? All you’ve proved is the first part, now if you can be engaging yourself and get her talking, get her past her initial disinterested exterior, then you pass the test to see if you are willing to go for things with more then just a fleeting sliver of passion. Bad boys tend to do this easily, since they don’t intend to become emotionally invested regardless of the outcome. This takes the pressure off for them and makes this beginning stage feel like “no big deal”. (Don’t worry there are other ways to reduce the pressure you feel, besides becoming emotionally stunted… and I will cover them in later articles)

Your Terms

Now though this quote is intended to be comedy, I think it shows the way that a great many men feel about dating. Sadly this kind of attitude does a great disservice to both men and women alike in the dating world. Women are naturally attracted to men who lead, that’s simply the way we are wired. Many men assume that this is no longer true and that strong modern women don’t want a man who can lead but rather one who will follow… this couldn’t be further from the truth.  No one wants to look down on their partner, I mean would you really want to date a girl who you thought was stupid for example? I should expect not… we want a partner, not a servant. From the biology stand point, up until the last century men led almost all aspects of life. This causes women to be attracted to men who play by there own terms, because these men have traditionally been good leaders, otherwise they would not have been able to survive with their own terms.

The practical aspect of this in today’s society is that it shows that you have your act together. It shows again confidence in your own decisions. It shows that your insight can be counted on as valuable. It shows that you can stand up for yourself and in theory for your future family. Bad boys tend to be good at this again because they don’t tend to get emotionally invested. (and again there is a healthier way to achieve this which I will cover later) Bad boys often employ a my way or the highway mentality, which though it may not be the most effective mentality in the world, it most certainly conveys that sense of doing things on your terms.

Look, you don’t have to become a bad boy to attract women. Understanding why the things bad boys do are so attractive to women, will help you to understand how you can convey some of these principals in your life, to become the Good guy, that women still go crazy for.

Keep watching this space for “Get The Girl 102″ when I explain the best ways to open up a conversation with women in all sorts of situations.

Also feel free to comment, ask a question, or leave a story right here on this page.

-Dave