Plan a game night.

It can be just the two of you, or you can declare an evening of friendly competition with a few other couples.  Keep your guests cozy with some wine or beer and appetizers, and let the wind howl outside while you warm up with the good times inside.

Embrace the snow.

While winter provides ample opportunity to snuggle up and get close, don’t forget to have fun outside.  As adults, we too often forget to play, but playing keeps us healthy and helps us connect to one another.  So bundle up A Christmas Story style and head outside for some snowball fights, snow angels, and a few sled-rides.

Check out the city lights.

Spend an afternoon in the nearest city, reveling in the holiday spirit of decorated shops and seasonal music.  This time of year reminds us all to get closer, and sometimes all it takes to rediscover the thrill of new love is some good, old-fashioned, holiday vibes.

Grab your skates.

And while you’re downtown, you might as well hit the skating rink.  There’s no easier (or more obvious) way to flirt than stumbling into the arms of that special skater.

Schedule a ski weekend.

Or if you want to get serious about your winter sports, make a whole trip of it.  Pack up those skis and head for a resort, where you can have a little winter adventure by day and a little cozy, fireside snuggling at night.

Go caroling.

Seriously.  It’s fun.  Chances are, you can find a group within your community with a round of caroling scheduled.  Churches are especially prone to arranging a night of caroling.  And because caroling is all about spreading good old-fashioned holiday cheer, no one will be looking to judge your singing.

Volunteer.

What could bring you and your partner closer than a day spent working for a cause you both believe in?  Fortunately, the holiday season is ripe with volunteer opportunities.  Find the one the best suits you on Craigslist, in your local paper, or at VolunteerMatch.org.

Make the polar bear plunge.

If the winter blahs have you both feeling sluggish and dumpy, give yourselves the thrill of a lifetime and take an icy dip in the nearest body of water.  A little mid-winter adventure is bound to bring you closer.  Just know that you’re in good health before you go, and make sure to plan ahead so you can warm yourself up quickly and safely.

Winter can be a drag.  Between the darkness and day after day spent huddled inside, the apparent moodiness of the season can inspire moodiness in our lives and relationships.  The key is embracing the potential of the season.  December may be interfering with your preference for a beach date, but look around . . . there are many awesome winter dates to be had.

The disappearing act is one of the most aggravating hazards of online dating, and while it’s best to let it go and move on, it’s hard to stop fixating on the mystery.  Did you say something to offend her?  Did he meet someone better?  Was she never that into you to begin with?

The fact is, no matter what the reason, you’re probably better off without a communication flake in your life.  Quiet your racing mind with these common reasons for the disappearing act . . . and the reasons why it’s not worth all this frustration.

They lost interest.

Not the ideal reason, but hey, sometimes it happens.  And it can happen online a lot, before the bonds of a real-life encounter can form.  Look at this way—someone who abruptly drops interest in a match may be a little too flighty and fickle to be worth your time.

They weren’t that interested to begin with.

This could happen with newbies.  First-time online daters are sometimes prone to exploring all their options, including prospective matches that don’t interest them.  As they get used to the online dating world and start to realize that they have to narrow the field, they invest less time in prospects who fit in the “probably not, but you never know” category.  If this is the case in your situation, it’s too bad Newbie wasted your time.  But at least he figured out what he was really after so you could move on and pursue something more stable.

They got busy.

It happens.  If a relationship is Priority One for you right now, it might be hard to imagine.  Nevertheless, there are plenty of daters out there who dip their toes in, then suddenly tear out of the pool when career or family calls.  They’re interested in getting out there, but they’re not ready to make time for dating.  Did your disappearing match talk a lot about work or other responsibilities?  It may just be something came up and dating fell by the wayside.  In that case, it’s no one’s fault; she just wasn’t ready to settle in and commit.  You’re better off finding someone who is.

You offended them.

A lot of people will tell you when you’ve said something offensive . . . especially if they’re into you and are hoping you can make it right and restore their faith in you.  Occasionally, however, you may hit a nerve too big or offend a person too prideful and find yourself dealing with an empty inbox.  It’s too bad, but if he can’t talk it out, you’ve either got a serious clash in values on your hands or you’ve found a non-communicator.  Either way, you’re probably better off with the silence.

They found a better match.

This one was probably one of your first assumptions, since you know that, like you, your match is confronted with dozens of other profile photos the moment she logs on.  Just be careful how you play this explanation in your head.  It’s not about finding someone better, it’s about finding someone better matched . . . more compatible.  If there’s someone out there who gets her more than you do, you can probably assume the same is true on your end, too.  So keep looking.

They’re burned out.

Dating can be exhausting.  No matter how interesting new matches may be, we all get sick of the get-to-know-you game every now and then.  It’s possible that the prospect you’ve been talking to is just worn out and looking for a breather.  If that’s the case, might as well let it go and strike up a conversation with someone who’s too thrilled about you to consider a break from the scene.

Granted, no matter how “better off” you are, each of these scenarios calls for a little frustration.  If you want to seek a little closure, there’s nothing wrong with sending a follow-up email.  Stay out of the rage zone (there’s nothing like sending an angry email to a girl who’s been MIA because she’s been caring for a terminally ill relative), but do explain that you’re confused by the sudden silence and would appreciate an explanation.  Hopefully, you’ll get a fair response.  But if the silence persists, cut your losses and move on to more communicative pastures.

Allow yourself a sigh of relief.  Your mom meant what she said when you made her that macaroni birthday card in kindergarten; a little creativity does go a long way.  Here are a few ideas for meaningful gifts on a fixed budget.

Personalized Notebook or Planner.

Find a moderately-priced planner or—if you have a list-maker or journaler to buy for—an affordable notebook.  Then embellish each page with a meaningful quote or a special message from you to your partner.  You can write directly in the book, you can print your words out on colored paper and glue them in . . . whatever works for you.  Not only is this a thoughtful gift, but your partner gets little bits of your love as she uses the notebook each day for the next year.

365 Sweet Nothings

You may want to get an early start on this one . . . it takes a while.  The concept is pretty simple, though.  Find a little decorative box or jar (or decorate one you find at a craft supply store) and fill it with 365 slips of paper, each one with a message from you.  Keep them simple, like “I love your laugh” or “Remember that time we spent an entire day watching Woody Allen movies?”  To mix up your material, you may also want to include some famous quotes that make you think of your partner.  Check out sites like QuoteGarden.com and ThinkExist.com.  When you give this gift to your sweetheart, let him know there’s one message for him for each day of the year.

Collage or Shadow Box

Your relationship is a collection of a million special moments.  Chances are, you’ve collected memorabilia from your favorites.  Dig up old photographs, ticket stubs, postcards, etc, and choose the few that mean the most to you.  Then make a collage or arrange them in a shadow box as an homage to your love that your significant other can hang up and admire.  If you’re feeling truly ambitious, make a scrapbook documenting your relationship or your time together in the last year.

Thrift Store Find

Never underestimate the power of the thrift store.  It’s true, your significant other is probably not into body suites with pit stains, but if you dig a little deeper, you may find a unique piece of jewelry or the favorite childhood game he hasn’t been able to find in stores since his mom sold it at a garage sale.  Sometimes great things come in secondhand packages.

The ________ of the Month Club

Enroll your sweetheart in your own, made-up “Something” of the Month Club.  Maybe it’s the Home-Cooked Meal of the Month or the Sporting Event of the Month or the New Restaurant of the Month.  Think of something you know your partner wishes the two of  you did more, and let your gift be a promise in writing that you’ll fulfill that interest once a month.  It’s like the gift that keeps on giving.  Just be sure to follow through.  If you lose your gusto and cancel the club in March, you will never be allowed to forget it.

It may be clichéd, but in gift giving, it really is the thought that counts.  Big, fancy things are nice, but the average person is much more interested in gifts that come from the heart . . . gifts that remind us that we are known and loved by the people who mean the most to us.  Give from the heart, and your partner probably won’t think to wonder what it cost you.

If you’re about to take this next big step in your relationship, take heart.  These situations rarely live up to our worst fears, and there are ways to prepare and boost your confidence going in.  Consider these ideas:

They probably want to like you.

We have this idea that “the parents” are protective, overbearing ogres who can’t stand the idea of another human being mattering as much to their child as they do.  The fact is, a lot of parents are eager to see their kids meet someone amazing, get married, and give them cute, squirmy little grandchildren.  While it’s possible that your boyfriend’s parents are planning to hate you, the likelier scenario is that they’re hoping you’re wonderful, which means they’re already on your side.

Do your research.

Your significant other knows how daunting this meeting is for you, so don’t be afraid to ask him for a few pointers.  Find out what their pet peeves are, what qualities they value most, and how protective they tend to be of their son.  While you don’t want to pretend to be someone else when you meet them, it helps to know which characteristics you might want to accentuate and which bad habits you should probably leave at home.

Be yourself first and foremost.

As I just mentioned, it doesn’t hurt to be aware that certain habits of yours may either delight or disgust your partner’s parents.  But don’t let that knowledge throw you into a sit-com style scheme to pretend to be something you’re not.  Suppose this relationship lasts.  Do you really want to spend the rest of your life pretending to be a Harvard graduate with a budding career in nuclear physics?  That’s an exaggeration, but you get the point.  Be who you are.  Just remind who you are to . . .

Remember the manners your mama taught you.

Use your napkin.  Say please and thank you.  Keep bodily functions to yourself as much as possible.  These things seem obvious, but they can sometimes be forgotten in the rush to impress.

Honor the family culture.

I’m not just talking about ethnic culture here.  You’ve probably noticed throughout your life that each individual family has its own culture, its own values, its own way of doing things.  When you’re in your partner’s parents’ home, take note of their way of life.  If everyone is in socks, take off your shoes.  If everyone clears their own dish, do the same.  And if everyone’s slouched at the dinner table and talking with their mouths open, take the hint and back off the formality a little bit.  Again, it’s not about denying who you are; it’s about demonstrating respect for their way of life.

Take notes.

No matter how well your significant other prepped you going in, chances are you’ll pick up on a few details she missed.  So pay attention and hang on to the details you learn yourself.  If you notice that her dad brightens up every time someone mentions hunting season, you can do yourself a huge favor by remembering that the next time you see him.  And if you learn the hard way that her mother finds blond jokes offensive, consider the incident a learning opportunity, let go of the embarrassment, and remember for next time.

And if they hate you?

Huge bummer.  But sometimes, that’s the way it goes.  What matters is that you’ve got your partner—its unlikely this his parents’ opinion of you will suddenly shut down the whole relationship.  The only thing you can do is continue to treat him right and show your best side whenever you meet his folks.  With time, they’ll probably grow fond of you.  But if they don’t, oh well.

It’s all about the relationship, anyway.  By introducing you to her parents, your mate is only trying to bring you further into her life and make you a greater part of the things that matter most to her.  If you don’t fit in perfectly with every aspect of her world, it’s okay.  She can’t possibly expect you to.  What matters most is how you fit with her . . . and since she’s introducing you to the folks, I’m guessing you must fit pretty well.

Even so, if you’re the competitive type, it can be easy to forget that your mate is playing on your team.  This is especially true if you’re going through a slump at the same time that he seems to be inundated with wild successes.  A little frustration is natural, but you may want to start looking for way to quiet that competitive streak if you’re finding that frustration is blossoming into resentment.  If your best friend is starting to look like Enemy Number One, it may be a good time to try some of these tips.

Remind yourself, one more time, that this is a partnership.

He may be basking in his current success, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t rooting for you anymore.  If your mate is having a sudden wave of victories, you may be feeling a little unimportant.  You may feel like you’re standing in his shadow, staring up at this giant of a human being who can accomplish all he puts his mind to.  You may be wondering if he still thinks you’re good enough.  Believe me, he does.  In his mind, you’re not a bug in his shadow.  You’re among the greatest reasons he was able to succeed.  You were his strength and support throughout the journey, and you’re the one person he knows believes in him.  He knows this because he believes in you, and he’s eager to see you succeed.  In victory and in defeat, you’re in this together.

Remember that your turn will come.

It’s the natural pattern of life.  Sometimes she’ll be up and you’ll be down.  Other days, the tables will turn.  You each get your chance in the spotlight.  Be patient and faithful that your time will come, and use this opportunity to share in her excitement.  She’ll remember how eagerly you cheered her on when your turn for success comes around.

Take a break.

While it’s important to celebrate with your partner, bear in mind that you can—and should—take time out for yourself.  If your mate is suddenly inundated with parties and events and performances related to his recent success, it’s okay to duck out of some of the less significant ones.  You need to nurture your own ego, too; it’s hard to do that when your social calendar is filled only with his interests in mind.

Have other hobbies.

If you and your partner have the same career, same interests, or same skill set, a disparity in your individual achievements can be especially biting.  If you’re feeling unintentionally upstaged by your mate at a skill you both share, now might be a good time to tap into the hobbies that are yours and yours alone.  That’s not to say you should stop cultivating your similar interest.  But it is a good idea to have a skill that’s all your own to remind yourself that—no matter how much you may share—you will always have some unique talents that are only yours.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes.

As previously mentioned, the tables will one day turn.  And when they do, how would you hope for your partner to respond?  Wouldn’t you want him to embrace the partnership rather than rushing headlong into competitive mode?  Wouldn’t you love to share your victories with him, rather than spending your celebration time trying to convince him he’s not a loser just because he hasn’t accomplished what you did?  I know, I know . . . knowing the right way to behave is way different from finding it within yourself to actually behave that way.  But at least tune into that empathy and remember that your partner deserves to enjoy this moment.  Even if it doesn’t take the sting away altogether, it might help you find the strength to muster one more heartfelt smile.

There’s no easy cure for a crushed ego . . . but there is a cure for sour grapes.  It comes down to knowing yourself—knowing when it’s time to back away and give yourself some space and knowing when it’s time to suck it up, dig up that adoring smile, and tell your partner how proud you are of her.  Because if you dig down beneath all the bitterness, you’ll find that you actually, truly are.

Most online daters hate the About Me section of their profiles.  How do you sum yourself up in just a couple hundred words?  Harder still, how do you sum yourself up in just a few hundred words while making yourself desirable to prospective matches?

The first step is to relax.  You don’t have to capture the true essence of your being, you just have to spout off a few facts about yourself that might pique someone’s interest.  You also don’t have to dig up amazing accomplishments or wow the crowds with your crazy experiences.  Most singles aren’t looking for someone with amazing stats; they’re looking for someone whose personality and interests mesh with theirs.  All you have to do is give them a small sample of who you are.

Here are a few ideas to get you started.

What are your likes/dislikes?

This little maneuver has been done to death, but that’s because when you get specific, it really communicates a lot about you.  The old “I like honesty, I dislike bad attitudes” won’t help you much, so think of the details.  “I love girls who laugh at old Adam Sandler movies, and I can’t stand trendy cupcake shops.”  That statement reveals a lot about who that dude is, and—because it’s so specific—he now has all Sandler-loving girls imagining themselves nestled in the crook of the profiler’s arm and laughing it up over Billy Madison.

What are your hobbies?

Again, this is a generic approach that can be made stronger through specifics.  There are plenty of people online who play guitar . . . so maybe use up a few more words to say that you play guitar for your all-girl Aerosmith cover band.  But as always, err on the side of safety when you talk specifically about your free time.  It’s a great idea to talk about your favorite trail, but avoid details like “Every Saturday at 8 a.m., I hike Secluded Trail at Creepy Woods State Park because the park is totally empty at that time.”  An exaggeration, of course, but you get my drift.

Where are you from and why does it matter?

“Where are you from?” isn’t just for small talk.   People usually ask because where we come from shapes who we are.  When you talk about your hometown, elaborate.  How has your background shaped you?  What values of your culture do you still embrace?  For example, “I grew up in a small town in Iowa, and while it’s kind of a relief to me to be in a big city for once, I’m trying to hang on to the friendly habits I learned while living in a place where I knew all my neighbor’s names.”

What do you value most?

One of the best things about dating online is that we’re likelier to be upfront about the important things in our profile than we are when we’re chatting someone up at a bar.  There’s usually no smooth way to slip in a comment like, “I really believe in open communication.”  So take advantage of the opportunity to get on your soapbox of values for a minute and talk about those priorities in your online profile.  You’re likely to strike a chord with someone who can relate.

Where are you headed?

Most prospectives are going to be curious about your personal goals.  Whether you’re focused on your career ambition, personal development, or a bit of both, revealing your vision of a future self will reveal a lot about your priorities.  It will also help you snag the attention of someone who envisions a complementary future for herself.  Of course, the key here is to choose your topic carefully.  You may want to avoid saying things like, “In five years I hope to have a handle on this body odor issue.”

What are you looking for?

You’ve probably already answered this question to some degree in other aspects of your profile . . . what sex you’re interested in, whether you’re looking for something serious, you may have even listed an age range and a body type preference.  But this is your chance to get into the details . . . to tell the folks browsing your profile that you want someone with whom you can laugh or take road trips or talk politics.  Just be sure that you separate your actual standards from your fantasy.  You don’t want to lose a great match because you mentioned that you want to have a relationship with someone who can jam with you as you explore the hip-hop/country music hybrid you’re creating.  Also make sure you keep this portion of your profile positive.  Griping about all the losers who didn’t live up to your expectations is a guaranteed turn-off.

Share a few random facts.

I’ve found that this is weirdly affective.  Does it seem relevant that you have an irrational fear of koala bears or that you broke your leg when you fell out of a shopping cart at age four?  Nope.  But these things are interesting, they’re quirky, and they add a little more demension to your character.

Describing yourself is a daunting assignment.  So give yourself a break by looking at it from a new perspective.  It’s not about defining who you are in one paragraph.  It’s about offering a teaser of your full personality . . . a collection of facts that give other singles a taste of what you’re about.  And if you find that the profile you’ve developed isn’t working?  Well, nothing’s permanent; you can edit any time.  Relax and have fun with it.

The trouble with romance is that it often becomes our focus when we seek something real.  It also inspires millions of proverbs and insights that motivate us to pursue love with chick-flick style wisdom . . . a type of wisdom that really works best on the big screen.  If you’re looking for something that lasts beyond the Happily-Ever-After kiss, beware of these myths and half-truths:

Love is a feeling.

Okay, this is half true.  When you’ve met someone you really mesh with, you know it by the way you feel . . . by that sense of connectedness and that all-important chemistry.  But lasting love is much more than a feeling.  It’s a decision—a decision to stay connected when life overwhelms you both, to commit yourselves to the work of building a stronger relationship after each set-back, and to offer one another affection and support even when your partner is old news.  The feeling of love doesn’t vanish in a long-term relationship, but it does get drowned out sometimes in the noise of real life.  That’s why a practical coke-and-pizza love is no less important than the ooey-gooey goodness of a wine-and-roses love.

There is one person in the world for all of us.

I may encounter a difference of opinion on this one, but I genuinely believe that there is no such thing as a single soul mate for each of us.  I do believe that we are each unique individuals with an inherent set of standards defining our most compatible mate.  Or to put it more simply, I believe that while you won’t mesh with everyone, you do have a good chance of finding a great match no matter where life takes you.  While it’s crazy romantic to imagine there’s one perfect soul mate for you and that fate will bring him to your doorstep, many opportunities are wasted in wait of such a miracle.  Also, many individuals dwell too long in heartbreak, believing that the one they lost was the only one for them.  Go ahead and feel this way for the first few weeks.  Just know in your head—no matter what your heart is whining about—that you will turn another corner and find someone you love just as much.  Possibly more.

Love finds you when you’re not looking for it.

We’ve all got that friend—the one who feeds us this line while swearing that she had given up on love when she ran into the man of her dreams.  Almost all of my friends have told me this story, and while I don’t doubt that they remember it that way, I can tell you for a fact at least half of them were talking dating sites or moping about loneliness only a couple weeks before they met the ones they married.  If you need a break from dating, by all means, take it!  But don’t let yourself believe that you have to stop trying in order for it to happen. Take a tip from my brother, who suddenly announced one day that he was going to find the woman he was going to marry.  He had just come off a string of horrible dates and was battling a pessimistic view of the dating world when he declared that there was no reason why he couldn’t find an amazing woman, all it took was getting out there with a positive attitude.  Within a month he met the woman who is now his wife.

Love changes you.

Another half-truth.  Love does change you.  All relationships change you.  You can’t connect with someone else without learning and evolving.  However, love will not fix you, nor will it fix your partner.  If there’s some self-improving you want to do, it’s in your best interest to work on it now, rather than seek someone else to make you whole.  While a partner is a wonderful support, there will come a time in your relationship when you realize the only person who can “fix” you is you.

All of these romantic notions hold a bit of truth.  They embrace the idea that there is something transformative and mystical about love . . . and to some degree that’s true.  I believe that romance should be embraced.  But I also believe that romance should be seen for what it is—one aspect of love that cannot sustain a relationship without the support of actions and intellect.  Enjoy your romances.  Just remember that when you hit the knitty-gritty part of your relationship, it doesn’t mean the love is gone.  It just means you’ve found a new corner of it.

So you’ve had some time to think about it . . . to release at least some of that anger and reevaluate whatever it was that sparked your big fight. You still know she was in the wrong, but you can see where you were, too. Like it or not, you know it’s time to apologize.

Apologies are important. Sure, you may prefer to just agree to forget it and move on, but a sincere apology can do wonders for a developing relationship. When you apologize, you give your partner a clearer idea of your perspective, of how you understand her anger, and of your intentions to keep in better harmony with him in the future. You also demonstrate that you’re tough enough to acknowledge your own wrongs . . . in other words, that you’re worth hanging on to through the worst of fights.

The only question now is: how do you approach this awkward (and pride-squashing) exchange? Here are a few tips to get you on the right path.

Know what you want to apologize for specifically.

“I’m sorry I made you angry” is technically an apology, yes, but you get more out of this moment of humility if you get more specific. First of all, by telling her what exactly you think you did wrong, you make an important statement about what your greatest concerns about the argument are. You’re also demonstrating that this is a sincere apology, and you give yourself an opportunity to put your foot down if you don’t feel you should have to apologize for everything she’s mad about. (e.g. “I’m sorry I didn’t take the time to talk over our plans with you,” rather than “I’m sorry I didn’t invite you to poker night.”)

Get some perspective on apologies.

It takes a while for the flame to fizzle after a really big argument. Even though you know it’s time to move forward, you may resist the idea of an apology, out of fear that it’ll look like you’re giving up. Remember, this person is your partner, not your opponent. Although you may want to win this one, you know as well as I do that the most important issue is that the relationship wins. To do that, you have to own up to your own faults. You won’t look like the loser for doing that. Few things in life are as difficult as admitting your faults. Your partner will recognize your apology as a demonstration of strength . . . and he’ll admire you for it.

Make eye contact. Be real.

Owning your mistake isn’t something you do just through the words you say. When you make your apology, make eye contact with your significant other. Avoid the urge to over-dramatize it or play it off as nothing. If you’re not a seasoned apologizer, this may take work. You’ll get there.

No excuses.

When we’re still feeling the fire of the fight, we tend to run our apologies in with accusations or excuses, like “I’m sorry I insulted your friend, but I didn’t know she was so sensitive,” or “I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t have left you at the party if it didn’t look like you were having such a great time flirting with everyone.” In these examples, the apology is lost in a wave of accusations that are likely to inspire a new argument. Let your apology stand alone, make sure it’s been heard, then—if you feel you still need to speak in your own defense—talk about your side of the issue as a matter entirely separate from the apology. Example: “I’m sorry I left you at the party. I did it out of anger, and I should have just told you I was mad so we could’ve worked it out.” Pause for response, then ask him if he understands where you’re coming from. You’re likelier to get his empathy if he sees that he’s genuinely gotten yours.

Look Forward.

Give yourselves a little hope for the future by reflecting on what you could do differently next time, whether it be as general as, “I’ll try to be more communicative” or as specific as, “I’ll respect your sensitivity to the word ‘broad.’” Arguments aren’t just exhausting exercises in mutual aggravation. They’re also opportunities to grow as a couple.

Sometimes the anger still fizzles beyond the point of apology. That’s okay. The important thing is that you’ve made a decision to forge on together, working through whatever obstacles come your way. So even if the sight of her face is still a little unbearable today, remember that he’s the one you chose . . . and she’s worth it.

Apologies are hard to give, which means you may not always get them. But keep taking the high road—keep recognizing your faults and conjuring the courage to state them out loud. Even if your partner isn’t there yet, you’ll be paving the way for smoother make-up conversations down the road, and setting an example that he’s sure to follow in time.

Take heart, fellow singles, and remember one thing always:  This is not your only holiday season.

Likelier than not, you’ll be present for several more cozy holidays . . . probably a few decades’ worth.  Your fate is not sealed by the fact that you’re alone beneath the mistletoe, nor does showing up without a date to Thanksgiving mean that you are doomed to a lifetime of loneliness.  In fact, this time next year, you could very well be on the arm of someone who loves you wildly.

No, this is not your only chance to enjoy a holiday season.  But it is your only chance to enjoy this one.

When we seem surrounded by happy couples, it gets so easy to obsess over what we don’t have, but this is the season for embracing that which is already ours.  And what is special about this holiday season?  What victories can you celebrate this year?  Which friends and family members have you grown closer to since New Year’s , and how can you connect with others?  Suppose you do find love in 2011.  Then this will be your last holiday to give your full focus to friends and family.

This will be your last holiday to indulge in all of your traditions, exactly the way you want to . . . without compromise, without awkward holiday dinners at his folks’ place, without feeling overrun on December 26 for having just spent the past 48 hours trying to keep two different families happy.

This is your year to realize that all those ooey-gooey, happy holiday vibes are already within you . . . that even though someone else might help you discover joys you don’t know now, you’re still more than capable of living fully in the meantime.  This year you can announce a Christmas movie marathon that could be otherwise poo-pooed by a bah-humbugged mate.  You can put up your tackiest decorations and bake cookies at two in the morning.  You can curl up on snowy nights and reflect on your life . . . on how far you’ve come, on what you’re grateful for, on your wishes and goals for the coming year.

Love will come some day . . . but this is the only 2010 holiday season you get.  If you feel a little wallow coming on when you get home from a couples-saturated holiday party, give yourself an evening to mope.  It’s good for you.  But don’t let everyone else’s joy be the death of yours.  Relationship or not, you’ve got plenty to be happy about.

Holiday Fun, Single-Style

-Start a new tradition that’s all your own . . . maybe make a special trip or perfect a dish that you can make every year.

-Call in sick and have a cozy day in.

-Have a baking marathon.

-Have a movie marathon.

-Go holiday shopping with your friends.

-Take up an indoor hobby like knitting.

-Take up an outdoor hobby, like skiing.

-Write thank you letters to everyone who has been good to you this year.

-Make a plan to fulfill your New Year’s Resolution(s).

-Let your friends drag you to holiday parties.

-Create the ultimate holiday playlist.

-Volunteer for a holiday-themed charity.

-Visit a relative you rarely see.

Even so, you know perfectly well that there will be challenges.  You may even be a little worried about maintaining that special connection that keeps your relationship solid when you’re face-to-face.  With a little creativity and a little time, you and your sweetheart are bound to develop some long-distance rituals of your own.  In the meantime, here are a few ideas to get you started:

The Virtual Ritual

A long-term relationship is made up of hundreds of those little rituals you develop with your partner.  Thanks to modern technology, you can still share some of those rituals regardless of distance.  Keep having lunch together through Skype.  Bring your phone along and chat through the evening walk you used to share.  If you’re in different time zones, record that show you both love so you can watch it “together” when it comes on in your sweetheart’s city.  By maintaining a few rituals, you not only continue to bond through them, you also reassure yourself and your partner that you’re still united, never mind the miles.

Give A Little Love Every Day

Writing a love letter or sending a gift every day might not be practical.  But here’s a way to deliver your most heartfelt sentiments to the one you miss every day.  For each day that you’ll be separated, write down something you love about her or a quote that makes you think of him.  Fold them up, put them in a box, and tell your partner to read one every day at the time she most needs your love and encouragement.  It’s a great way to still be there when you can’t physically be there.

Play Online

A little friendly competition is good for a relationship.  Help nurture the playful side of your relationship by challenging your partner to an online game, like chess or scrabble or whatever your style may be.

Sit Under The Stars

Unless your significant other is on the other side of the world, you can always draw comfort from the knowledge that—no matter how far away he may be—you’re still under the same moon and the same stars.  A sappy sentiment, but reassuring nonetheless.  Celebrate this little commonality by sharing a moonlit picnic over the phone.

Share The Small Things

What makes serious relationships so meaningful is that you share nearly everything.  No hears more of the details of your day than your significant other, and probably no one else is as good as she is at deciphering the cryptic texts you send about your boss during business meetings.  When distance separates you, resist the instinct to broaden your communication.  Yes, some details may have to fall by the wayside, but don’t forget to send a text about the weird duffle-bag guy in the subway or to give your full review of your new coworker’s nose-blowing ritual the next time you’re on the phone with your partner.  It’s the little details that keep you both mindful that this relationship is special.

Send Your Scent

You don’t have to spray your letters with perfume if that’s a little too clichéd for you.  But do be aware of how powerful a familiar scent can be.  When you and your sweetheart part ways, make sure she has an article of clothing or a blanket or something that would carry your scent.  It’s a wonderful, wordless way to keep the connection.  Fragrances have a way of conjuring up vivid memories and emotions in ways that nothing else can.

Nothing beats real face time, and you’d never be able to fool yourselves into believing that this time apart is no different than your moments together.  But there’s no need for all-out wallowing.  You can still nurture your love from across the miles if you keep in mind the things that make your relationship so wonderful.  Romance is all about finding creative ways to celebrate your bond.  Consider this an opportunity to expand your repertoire.