This one’s for all the fellas out there who prefer the form letter, mass mailing approach to online dating–email dozens of beautiful women in one afternoon, see who bites, go from there . . . and why shouldn’t you? The competition you face in the online dating world is insane. The anonymity of the internet gives courage to timid guys who would be too shy to compete against you in the real world. And with the increasing popularity of online dating, you’re no longer up against the pathetic and lonely . . . you’re competing against confident, good-looking dudes like yourself. Playing the numbers game kinda makes sense–and I’ll be honest; I’ve seen it work.
But before you make mass marketing your go-to dating strategy, at least take some things into consideration.
Without a target in mind, you could hit anything.
Anything. There’s a lot of crazy out there. There’s also a lot of superficial, selfish, and dull. And there are normal, wonderful women who just aren’t what you’re after. But when you shoot for quantity, just know that you’re gambling with quality. This is why it’s a good idea to first consider what kind of a relationship you want. If you’re looking for love, you may want to narrow your focus and get specific with your messages. If you’re on the market for a fling . . . let the cards fall where they may. Just brace yourself for possible crazy.
Don’t be so darn obvious.
You know those warm and fuzzy pre-approval letters you get from American Express? The ones that make you feel so special you store them away inside your waste basket? Right. Women recognize junk mail as quickly as you do, and your words are meaningless to them when they can tell they’re only one of several dozen pre-approved customers. If you want a better chance at getting a response, make sure your form letter is more creative than “I looked at your profile and you seem cool. Hit me up.”
Try Humor
Humor is your golden ticket to almost everything. (There are some exceptions . . . you’ll know when the joke you make during a serious discussion earns you the world’s most vicious glare.) In this case, humor serves you in two ways. First, laughter will distract from the one-size-fits-all nature of your cut & paste message. Second, humor earns you big points. Everyone wants to be around someone who makes them smile.
Tell her what you’d like to do with her
But not that. Hold that thought for later. For now, just pique her interest with an activity that appeals to you. If you’re outdoorsy, say you think she’d be a lot of fun on a hike. If you’re into the night club scene, ask where she’d like to go dancing. There’s always the risk that you’ll turn a woman off by inviting her to something you’d know she hates if you’d read her profile, but risk is necessary in this wild, devil-may-care approach to dating. Meanwhile, you’ll inspire the girl who shares your interests to imagine herself sharing nachos with you at the ball game.
Special Treatment for a Special Lady
When you find that profile that catches your eye . . . the one that pulls you in so deeply that you catch yourself reading about her relationship with her grandmother, put the form letter away and pen something that’s just for her. Reference something that you learned about her from her profile . . . ideally something more specific than “I liked Catcher in the Rye, too.” Maybe quote something she said–an opinion she expressed that really resonated with you. Or make an observation about something that makes her unique. (“I see you dig both Mozart and Tupac. Nothing cooler than a woman with diversified interests.”) Whatever you do, make it clear that you’re so into her that you bothered to learn who she is.
Because that is, after all, the key. Whether you go with the form letter approach or not, you won’t get past that first message if you don’t act like the woman you’re contacting was hand-picked for a reason.
So what do you say? Have you tried the Mass Messaging approach? Have you found success with it?
